Have you ever opened a cupboard and found baking tins you haven't used in three years, a pile of craft supplies for projects you were definitely going to start, or clothes that belong to a version of you who apparently attends far more events than you actually do?
You’re not alone.
One of the biggest reasons our homes become cluttered isn't necessarily because we struggle to get rid of things. Sometimes, it's because we're holding onto things for our fantasy self.
And once you start recognising her (or him), you might notice them everywhere.
What is a "fantasy self"?
Your fantasy self is the version of you that you imagine you could be.
She's the person who makes sourdough from scratch every weekend.
She has beautifully styled dinner parties and therefore obviously needs 24 wine glasses, six serving platters and an entire drawer of linen napkins.
She wears the dress that hasn't fitted for five years.
She uses the expensive juicer.
She finishes the half-knitted scarf.
She finally learns calligraphy.
She makes elaborate birthday cakes.
She reads all those books.
She has a perfectly organised garage full of equipment for hobbies she's definitely going to get back into one day.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with having aspirations or wanting to try new things. The problem starts when the possessions belonging to our imagined life begin taking over the space we need for our actual life.
Our homes tell the story of who we think we should be
Take a look around your home and you might be surprised by how many things represent intentions rather than reality.
The exercise equipment you bought because you were going to work out at home.
The kitchen gadget you were convinced would change the way you cook.
The clothes you bought for a lifestyle you don't really have.
The craft supplies from a hobby you tried twice.
The entertaining ware for the huge gatherings you rarely host.
The beautiful notebooks waiting for something important enough to write in them.
Individually, none of these things seem like a problem.
But collectively, they take up an enormous amount of space.
And often the things we actually use every day are squeezed around them.
The kitchen is one of the biggest fantasy-self hotspots
We see this all the time when organising kitchens.
Kitchens are particularly good at accumulating items for our fantasy selves because it's so easy to imagine what we might do.
Maybe you'll start making fresh pasta.
Maybe you'll use that fondue set.
Maybe you'll suddenly become someone who needs eight different cake tins.
Maybe you'll start juicing every morning.
Meanwhile, the saucepan you use five nights a week is buried behind appliances you haven't touched since 2021.
A well-organised kitchen shouldn't prioritise what you might use one day.
It should prioritise the way you cook right now.
Your everyday plates should be easier to reach than the platters you use twice a year.
Your favourite pan deserves more accessible storage than an appliance you haven't switched on for two years.
And if you don't bake very often, baking equipment doesn't need prime kitchen real estate just because you'd like to bake more.
Organisation works best when your home reflects your real habits.
Clothes are another big one
Wardrobes can become almost like museums of our past and future selves.
There are clothes from previous jobs.
Clothes for events we no longer attend.
Clothes that don't fit but "might one day".
Clothes bought for the person we thought we'd become.
And then there's the classic:
"I'll wear it when..."
When I lose weight.
When I have somewhere nice to go.
When I go back to work.
When we go on holiday.
When I find something to wear with it.
When my lifestyle changes.
Sometimes those things are genuinely worth keeping.
But when half your wardrobe belongs to hypothetical situations, getting dressed for your actual Tuesday morning becomes unnecessarily difficult.
Your wardrobe should primarily serve the person you are today.
The hidden emotional side of fantasy clutter
This is where decluttering can become difficult.
Getting rid of an unused bread maker isn't always just getting rid of a bread maker.
Sometimes it means acknowledging:
"I'm probably not going to be someone who makes homemade bread every Sunday."
Getting rid of expensive craft supplies might mean admitting that a hobby you were excited about simply wasn't for you.
Letting go of clothes from another stage of life can feel like letting go of that version of yourself.
And that's why telling someone to "just get rid of it" isn't particularly helpful.
Our belongings can represent money we've spent, memories, ambitions and identities.
But keeping an object doesn't make the intention behind it more likely to happen.
It just means you're storing the object.
Try the "Would I buy this today?" test
When you're struggling with something, ask yourself:
If I didn't already own this, would I go out and buy it today?
Not:
"Could I possibly use it?"
Almost anything could be useful.
Instead ask:
Would I spend my money on this today, knowing what I know now?
If the answer is no, that's useful information.
Another question we love is:
Does this belong to my real life or my fantasy life?
You don't necessarily have to get rid of everything that falls into the second category.
But it helps you make a conscious decision rather than automatically keeping it.
Give your hobbies a boundary
If you genuinely enjoy having options or you're someone who moves between hobbies, you don't need to become a minimalist.
Instead, give those things a defined amount of space.
For example, all your craft supplies might need to fit inside one cupboard.
Your baking equipment might have one shelf.
Your sentimental clothing might fit into one storage basket.
Once that space is full, something needs to leave before something new comes in.
The boundary becomes the decision-maker rather than endlessly finding more storage.
Stop organising things you don't actually want
This is one of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to get organised.
They buy another container.
Then another basket.
Then another set of drawers.
Eventually they have beautifully organised belongings they don't actually want or use.
Before asking:
"How can I organise this?"
Try asking:
"Do I actually want to keep this?"
Decluttering first means you're only spending time, money and storage space organising the things that deserve to stay.
Your home should support the life you're living now
There will always be things worth keeping for the future.
The ski gear you genuinely use every winter doesn't need to be thrown away because you haven't touched it since August.
The large serving platters you use every Christmas still have a purpose.
And keeping something you genuinely love is reason enough.
The goal isn't to get rid of everything you don't use every week.
It's simply to notice when your home is becoming crowded with possessions belonging to a life you're not actually living.
Because every cupboard, drawer and wardrobe has limited space.
When we fill that space with things representing who we might become, we leave less room for the things that support who we already are.
So next time you're decluttering and find yourself saying:
"But one day I might..."
Stop for a moment.
Would your future self really miss it?
Or is your fantasy self simply taking up valuable space in your real home?